To be or not to be

The world was rudely awakened to face the reality and horror of rape after centuries of feigning ignorance, in the wake of the Delhi gang-rape in 2012. The brutal crime that eventually led to the death of the 23-year old physiotherapy student set the sirens blaring in every corner of the nation. While the crime itself has been going on for centuries, this particular case gained global attention, sending shockwaves through the local urban community that shattered their illusion of a safe neighbourhood. As reports of the vile act went viral, India faced a public outrage never before seen following a crime of this nature. Thousands took to protest on the streets as the Asian giant faced massive global pressure to bring the perpetrators to justice, which was eventually done in a historically quick verdict, passed in a fast-track court, highly unusual in the country’s notoriously slow-paced judiciary system. 

  As the heavily patriarchal nation came under criticism for the way rape cases are handled and the patriarchal mindset that largely discriminates the fairer gender, the fact is, this is not a crime limited to a single country. All over the world, women are subject to a multitude of sexual violence, with rape topping the list. Despite constant criticism from the West in regards to women empowerment and gender equality, the U.S. has the highest number of rape cases in the world, according to a report on top ten countries with highest number of reported rape crimes, released by an online newspaper in January 2014. Nor surprisingly India holds second position followed by a shocking list of first-world countries like United Kingdom, Canada (fifth place), Germany(sixth place), Sweden (seventh place) and Belgium(ninth place). Thailand comes at the bottom of the list while Mexico appears in the third position.

  These are not just numbers making up statistics. They are lives. Real lives of women destroyed by a vile act that rips them off their dignity and confidence. Lives of someone’s mother, sister or daughter being violated as the arms of justice fall limp around them while we watch on, helpless. Or are we? What can a common person do when a woman is treated like a fish on a dinner plate, devoured off its meat to be left with just bones that end up in the trash? As JFK famously asked in his inaugural speech as President of the U.S., “Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for you country.” Exactly. Ask. Ask what you can do to prevent rape and offer support to the victims.

  The key is education and instilling awareness among members of the society, specifically the male majority. This is more of a psychological war that aims to completely change the mindset of people who have deeply entrenched cultural views that dictates sexual entitlement and treatment of women as lesser beings. This may seem like a job for human rights activists or members of a feminist movement but it really is a responsibility of each civilized citizen of the world, men and women alike. Start teaching the men to respect and treat women properly instead of sending tips to women on how to avoid rape. Start educating young boys on women empowerment instead of discouraging young girls from having a career. Start offering support and guidance to the victims of rape instead of fuelling the social stigma that blames them for being victims. Education, like charity, starts at home.

  Obviously we are also in dire need for more stringent laws and stronger form of punishment for rapists that will send out a stern message to any would-be perpetrators. Maybe I imagine a tad too much, but probably a combination of the capital punishment, stoning and castration could do the trick. The governments and lawmakers around the world need to get out of the comfort zone and tackle the bull by the horns. Law making and passing of bills are useless if there are no proper implementations, and for that we need more real and courageous leaders who will put a foot in the door and get the wheel running.

  This battle is definitely not a cakewalk but I am willing to put my existing hanging-by-a-thread hope in humanity that a collective effort would put an end to this crime. As the late Edmund Burke wrote, “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing”. Now is a good time to question which side you are in.

Exasperated....

  It bothers me a lot to see such cunning egoistic people taking up the mantle of leaders and make life a living hell for people who report to them. To think that even if such a meager role can turn a person into falsely believing he's a God who can turn the universe at a touch - imagine if he was offered a bigger position? Yikes! God bless that organization and those poor souls who will have to work under him.
  Fortunately though there are also that selected few, those who actually understand what leadership is and effortlessly command everyone's respect. Speak of the yin and yang. Meeting the worst and best of leaders in the same place. Negative vibes apart, what is to be imbibed is the dos and donts of people management - essentially the most difficult task in any organization. Guess it is time for our education system to add this crucial piece of human conduct along with communication skills to better equip our young minds so that they would not learn it all the hard way, like most of us, once they step forward into the Big Bad World. 

Wake up!

Bye bye 2011 and Hello 2012.Surely it has been memorable year for both pleasant and unpleasant happenings in my world and the world in general.To say it in a nutshell, 2011 has been year of realization that :

1.   Its always best to listen to your mother's advice (at least 97% of it) no matter how trivial it may be.
2.   What you want in life 5 years ago is not the same now
3.   Loneliness can be both devastating and liberating
4.   Independence is more a state of mind than materialistic and physical gains
5.   Tolerance and patience are two virtues which are a pain to practice especially when you are in a company which has no whatsover inkling to what it means.
6.   Talking to oneself is not weird - in fact its a good way to make your ideas and imaginations grow (of course don't do it publicly)
7.   Nothing and absolutely nothing can prepare you for the outside world. Its inevitable to get hurt,betrayed, trampled on and humiliated. Just remember the lessons and move on.
8.   You are not as good as you think you are- you've got to work hard for that.
9.   Its much harder to forgive yourself than forgiving others
10. True friends are to be respected and cherished and about the ones whom you thought are true just let go - grudges or disappointments are poisonous to one's mind and soul.
11.  A boy and a girl can never ALWAYS be JUST FRIENDS.A mutual romantic attraction WILL occur to either one.How you handle the situation determines whether the friendship goes on or goes out.Make your decisions carefully.
12.  Do not give shallow minded people too much of thought, its very demotivating.
13.  Driving may seem to be basic stuff but it does shit to your nerves (still have not overcome the fear of maneuvering the 4 wheeled monster)
14.  We complain that our parents are not gadget savvy but most of the gadgets were spearheaded by people from their generation (read Steve Jobs)
15.  You do not have to look far to see how badly the society has deteriorated...juz sign up for FB.

Since there is nothing more that I can think of at this moment, I will just end it here though I'm pretty sure lots more will crop up in my head AFTER I switch off my pc..sighs....I hate the workings of the brain sometimes.

Black or grey?

Finally, I've read Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol. Usually, once I start his book I'll never stop until my finger turns the last page and my eyes cross the final words. Unfortunately, due to some unavoidable circumstances (read eager to get some sleep), I had to endure reading it for 1 whole week, part by part. ARggghhh!!....i hate doing that - wonder what happened to my so called unputdownable attitude towards books. Strangely though, it made me ponder and wonder about human's most desired, longed and severely misused gift - sleep.

Back to Basics

  For many urban dwellers, credit cards have become almost indispensable, what more with the tempting discounts offered by banks and zero-interest instalments for purchases of items that usually take us months and years to save up for. Being new in the world of credit cards, I took to seeking the advice of a friend who used to have seven credit cards in his possession and previously worked in the credit collection department of an international bank. Considering my affinity with numbers, or the lack of it, it took me some the time to understand the workings and dynamics of the system, and the pros and cons of several types of cards, depending on which company it belongs to.

  As I researched more on it, one thing that kept cropping up was how the utilization of credit cards have impacted the spending capacity of youngsters, driving them deep into debt within months of entering the workforce. The figures became worrying over the years, so much so that at one point in 2011, Bank Negara decided to restrict the spending of those that earned less than RM36,000 by imposing a capped credit limit of RM12,000 per card holder.

  Thought this much warranted guideline has controlled the spending habits of most consumers to an extent, the living-beyond-means attitude so prevalent among the urban society needs much more than rules imposed by a national bank. It needs a change of habits and a look at a lesson of financial management I learnt from my grandmother.

  My maternal grandparents are native Indians who were born during the pre-independence era of India. Though I never had the privilege of growing up with them, frequent visits to India and stories my mother told me about them were enough to provide a peek to the two wondrous souls. My Tata (grandfather) lived up to 94 years old while my Amachi (grandmother) was about 85 years old or so when she passed away, and notably throughout their long life, they were never totally dependent on anyone financially, not even their children. My Tata was a respected government officer and though his earnings were not much, it was enough to support Amachi, their four children, and a portion of household expenses that were shared by tata’s eight siblings, all of whom were living with their respective spouses and children under one roof. Speak of giant joint-families. Despite being the average middle-class family, my grandparents, or to be more exact, the brilliant money managing strategy of my Amachi enabled them to support the education of their children up to university. They also bore all the wedding expenses of my mother and her siblings, which is saying something for Indian marriages are mostly grand and super-expensive.

  After Amachi’s death, my mother and aunt were going through her things, basking in nostalgia, when my mum came across a small tattered book placed in the crook between the neatly folded sarees of my grandmother. As she examined the yellowing pages, she was stunned to discover that it consisted a detailed description of the expenses during my mother's wedding 26 years ago. Every single penny spent was meticulously jotted down to decimal points. Amachi actually continued the practice of writing down expenses and kept all the records up to the day she was bedridden, after which the task was continued by my aunt after much prompting from my dear old grandmother.

  During my younger days, whenever my siblings and I went to visit her, she always pressed a few currency notes into our hands with her shaky fingers, hushing our protesting sounds with a sharp chid and walking away with utmost satisfaction on her face. I always thought she had a treasure chest somewhere from which she can 'withdraw' any amount that she pleases before I found out that the particular act of giving was only possible from a habit of saving and smart-spending. She was even particular about having her own money spent for her funeral rites.

  I could not help thinking that a woman like my grandmother, scarcely educated and so docile to the extent she often does not step out of the house alone, had the prudency and foresight to manage the economical state of affairs in her family which benefited three generations. How many of us now can ensure that we would, in our future days be in the state that my grandmother was, always a giver and never a receiver. Looking at the current state of society, with or without credit cards, I would say barely a handful. It is high time we take a serious look at our financial state and probably take the first step by starting with a pen and a ‘555’ book. It all comes down to basics sometimes.

A Graduation to Remember - continued

  That night, after a good round of chat with my buddy Brinda, I floated off to sleep. My dreams were a synchronised pattern of images starting from my college, the university, Ramesh and the degree certificate. I woke up with my head hurting and my body sore of tiredness.Ironically though, my mind was pretty fresh and active. By10.30 I was at the office of the ancient man, looking at him with the straightest of face and calmness I could muster. To my relief, he told me that it was 'nearly ready' and asked me to come in 2 hours time. I paced up and down the corridor like a zoo animal until Brinda and her friends came and lightened up the situation.

  We loitered around the university, got some of my other certificates attested and spent a good deal of time chatting. By 12.30 we were back in the room and my stomach already had butterflies in them.
   My eyes followed the lady in a purple saree carrying my unlaminated cert around the office. About 12.45 pm or so, I FINALLY laid my hands on my Degree Certificate!!
 Phew!!! I was soooo excited, relieved and happy that I was practically jumping around. My awesome group of friends gathered around me and gave me one look which said it all - simultaneously we all burst out laughing and I spent the rest of the day enduring hours of teasings. Surely this is one epic scene that will go down in the history of graduation for my group.
  Hillarious as it may seem, the whole graduation scenario was an overwhelming, exhilarating event which would make me smile and shake my head in disbelief whenever I think of it. Thanks to the lovely souls who were there to get me through the day - truly true friends never fail you.

I dedicate this small poem to that super-awesome crazy bunch, without whom my college days would have been some sodden bread.

All planets are different
yet are held by a single force,
GRAVITY;
All of us are different
yet are bonded by a single force
FRIENDSHIP....
Friendship...the Gravity of Humanity

Cheers!

A Graduation to Remember

  I’ve never seen a worse management than in my college. Just last week I spent a whole months’ salary going to my convocation  in India, only to find out to my disbelief that my degree certificate was never processed! Imagine my disappointment and anger when I found out that the application that I filled up was carefully stowed away in a creaky drawer in the dingy place called the admin office. Further questions and queries led to no more than a merry-go-round of everyone looking at each other, wondering how and who to blame for such an blunder. And as expected, I didn’t have anyone to turn up to (not surprised since that's what i've been facing since the day i stepped into that god forsaken college).

  After hours of tailing behind the 'person-in-charge' and numerous phone calls to my guardian informing him of my situation, i finally found out the glitch behing this stupid mistake. Apparently, since my application was sent in late, a fine of 100 rs was supposed to be payed, which was never informed to that friend of mine who took so much trouble posting the documents from India to Malaysia and submitting it to the office when I sent it back, all filled up. The application was received by the person in charge, a very 'responsible' Mr So n So who just brushed me off in what could be the most sarcastic telling-off i've ever faced when I questioned him about this.

  So, while the rest of my batch mates were flocking the auditorium with gleeful faces and yellow satin robes, ready to receive the trophy of a 3 year duel, there I was also in the same auditorium with my yellowing application form,face fuming, clicking my camera furiously at my friends (which was also a disaster as i was chased away for 'unauthorized photography'-ironic considering such a wayward college would follow a standard graduation protocol). I battled in my head whether to stay on till the ceremony finishes or go ahead to the university and submit the application myself (1000 rs extra if you need the cert min in a week's time).Finally, I told my situation to a friend of mine, Ramesh who had already received his graduation scroll. After a few minutes of arguing on how irresponsible and absurd the situation was, the next thing I know, I was on his bike, zooming of to the university hoping to be there before 1 pm as any later would be lunch time already. Luckily, we did reach there on time, payed the processing fee (Rs1650 with the extra Rs 650 was for what I still don't know) and proceeded to submit the application papers. As luck would have it, the counter was empty as my eyes travelled the corridor to a clock hanging on the far end of the wall showing 1 pm. Ramesh and I sighed and stayed on till 2 pm until it opened.
  After some lunch (I could barely eat, my stomach was full of apprehension), we went back and I spoke to the person in charge, an ancient looking man with the slowest movements i've ever seen. I explained that I was a foreign student and would require the certificate to be done by tomorrow and also had to lie about the urgency of the situation since my imaginative flight was due to leave the following day. The man looked at me with an odd expression, then chatted away about how good my Tamil is despite me being a foreigner ( haiyooo...how many times would I have to face this statement). After a few minutes he told me to give a call before coming in the next morning. The knot in my stomach loosened slightly.